Happy Halloween!!

I love Halloween. I think it might be my favorite holiday. Part of that is that I can wear my cool spider earrings and not get whacked up alongside the head with a newspaper. Man, that hurt. Part of it is that a lot of the things that I like are cool for one day - bats and spiders and snakes, oh my! and spooky old houses, and creepy trees and the crackling of leaves underfoot. I like that for one night a year, we dress our children up and send them off into the night to demand candy from strangers. It's the one time of year that all of my little spider friends can spin their webs in my corners and no one comments on it, or threatens to hoover them up.

One of the reasons I have always been so fond of it doesn't really apply as much anymore. No one used to be that into it. When did it get so commercial?!? I don't remember if I've ranted here before about those inflatable lawn decorations, but I don't like 'em. Well, I am kinda fascinated by the snowglobe ones with the snow flying around inside. But aside from those... one of my neighbors goes crazy EVERY freakin' holiday with those things. And I don't care what the stores tell you, planting seven foot tall, manical Easter bunnies in your yard is creepy not festive. But I digress. As usual. For Halloween, this neighbor has an assortment of inflatables in his yard. No, not that kind. Please. It's a family oriented neighborhood, although that would be really funny... Where was I? Right. Halloween decorations. This is not a large yard we're talking about here. But, he has a Frankenstein, the stack o'pumpkins with ghosts, new this year - a large black cat archway over the sidewalk, a witch, and the one that really freaks me out - the vampire Pooh. This is just wrong. OMG - I just searched for an image and found that you can get a whole Disney vampire family. I am so disturbed right now. The wonderful thing about Tiggers is that they vant to suck your blood?!? Eek. That's just not right.

This is totally not where I wanted to go with this post. Can you tell that I'm on my third pot of coffee? No, I'm sure not. Actually, you now have a pretty good idea of what trying to hold a conversation with me is like. ZOOOMMMMMMM - Let's go here! No here! No there! *blink* Who're you? I am a treat, let me tell you.

Now, what the hell was I *going* to babble about... Ooh, right. Cookies. Part of my problem today is that I'm sleepy 'cause I was up half the night on a wild cookie decorating tear. I think I've mentioned before my occasional Martha Stewart tendancies. I got in a mood last night and just went to town. Thanks to the Wilton Tent Sale (oh, how I love thee!), I have the equipment to go nuts for damn near any special occasion ever. My original plan was these cool cookies that you pipe out to make spider webs, but the dough was too stiff to get through a pastry bag, so I turned it into cut-out cookies instead. I raided my supply of cut-outs for a bat, a cat, a ghost and a pumpkin. Then I frosted them, and then I went bug nuts on the sprinkles then I went back and added details with more frosting.

My ghosties were white, with sparkly white sugar, and black eyes and mouths. My bats were purple, with sparkly purple sugar and red eyes. I turned the pumpkins in Jack O'Lanterns with green stems and black eyes, noses and mouths - complete with ragged teeth. And my cats were black with green eyes and white fangs. Ooh, my bats had fangs too. Wow, those were a pain. Did you know that it takes FOREVER to make little bat and cat fangs with white frosting and a toothpick? And teeth on a pumpkin... *eye roll* What was I thinking?

Once the icing dried, I arranged them festively on a tray and went and fell into bed. Here's the sad part, which I was expecting: They didn't make it 'till lunch. The office hoard descended like the sugar-loving buzzards that they are and there weren't even any crumbs left. Hell, I'm lucky to have kept all ten fingers. And I wasn't awake enough last night to take a picture so no evidence exists that they ever happened. Well, except for the pile of cookie sheets waiting for me to go scrub them.

Actually, there is some evidence. Completely without meaning to, I managed to wrap a trick into my treats. The black sugar that I used for the cats? It's really cool. And, as an added bonus, it turns your mouth a dark purple when you eat a cookie, oh say like a cat shaped one. *smirk* So, there are people running around here looking like children, with dark purple lips, teeth and tongues. And since I used the sprinkles to make the icing black for the details on the ghosts and the pumpkins, no one really got off color free. Tee hee.

Oh, my picture is from here. I've never tried to use power tools on a pumpkin before! Brilliant! Next year, my pretties... I'm firing up the sawzall! Bwahahahahahaha! Spend a few minutes on their site - this guy is a hoot. Must remember this next year. Must write a memo to myself to remember this next year. Wonder where I put my post-its. Hmm. Off to search. Later!

Boo! A Ghost!

I suppose that it's the right time of the year for a ghost story. In my world, any time of year is usually appropriate. Allow me to explain. Home is the old farmhouse that I grew up in. It was built in/around 1902 and it's only had 5 owners since then. My parents bought it in the early 1970s and have lived there ever since.

We haven't talked about it much as a family - my mom has decided that my brother and I just have vivid imaginations, but some odd things happen in that house. For one thing, I'd swear that the house recognizes us when we come home. Scott and I have both noticed how warm and welcoming the house is when we walk in - regardless of the actual temperature. Both of us have had friends that the house didn't appear to care for as well - there've been several people that just didn't feel welcome in our home, and were always freezing the entire time they were there - again regardless of the temperature or time of year.

For whatever reason, I think the house regards me as a plaything 'cause it (or whatever's there) has always been more active when I'm there alone. Lights turn themselves on and off, the curling iron gets unplugged, things occasionally move around. One morning in particular, the coffee pot turned itself off every time I left the kitchen. You do not trifle with my caffeine. I don't care what plane you exist on. Finally, I got pissed off enough that I yelled something along the lines of "G*dd*mn it! Leave my coffee alone, or I'll exorcise your ass!" The coffee pot flipped back on, and it's never screwed with my caffeine again.

I could go on for quite a while about the oddness that is normal around our house, but I have one tale in particular in mind. For my fifteenth birthday, my dad gave me a set of house keys. This was a VERY big deal - entrusting me with the keys to the kingdom so to speak. (Scott still doesn't have a house key.) He put them on a brass keyring with my initial. It was quite the moment.

I was phobic about keeping track of those keys. I knew where they were every second of the day. Then, one night, I put them on the dresser where I always put them. The next morning, they were gone. I tore my room apart. Then I tore the house apart. I tortured my brother, thinking he'd snatched them to screw with me. Nothing. Nada. They were gone. Vanished in the night. Finally I told Mom and Dad that I couldn't find them. Whew, boy, did I catch hell! I had left the door open to potential home invaders. Psychic ones, that would get their hands on my keys and just know where we lived and when we wouldn't be home so they could waltz in and loot our stuff. And the insurance wouldn't cover it 'cause they didn't have to break in 'cause I'd gone and given them a key. *shudder* It was thoroughly unpleasant.

Months went by and we started the renovations on the former master bedroom. (We were turning it into a library, with a loft and everything.) I came home from school, changed into my demolition clothes and started in on one wall. Dad was working on another wall. We pulled down the plaster (which I regret now. It was original, with the horsehair running through it.) and the lathe boards to expose the joists. This was the first time that this wood had been exposed to the light in like 80 years. So, about half way down the wall, there was a huge nail spanning the joists about four feet from the floor. This nail was squared off, about 14 inches long and about 1/4" in diameter. Dangling from that nail, dead center between the joists, under the original lathe and plaster walls, was my key chain.

I'm glad that Dad was there when I was pulling down the wall, 'cause otherwise he'd have never believed it. Hell, I didn't believe it. I whirled around to him and demanded to know how he'd gotten the keys in there. It took us quite a while to move that damned nail enough to get my keys out of the wall, and I think that more than anything convinced both of us that it was real. I have that keychain today. It's still got my house keys on it. That nail is still in the wall, between the joists. And I still have NO idea how my keys came to be hanging in that wall. As Mr. Shakespeare said,"There are stranger things in heaven and upon earth, Horatio,
than dreamt of in your philosophy." He wasn't kidding.

Slimy, Worthless, Untrustworthy Scum-Suckers

I'm speaking, of course, of recruiters. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. I don't remember who said this originally, and lord knows there are plenty of people out there that this little axiom can be applied to, but I think that recruiters are a particularly odious bunch. Them, and furniture salesmen.
(What part of 'please do not stalk me around the store' is SO hard to understand?!?)

At any rate, I went home last weekend to interview for a job. I was a bit suspicious during the phone interview when the VP of HR asked me to describe what the recruiter told me the job description was. Then, during the plant tour, the veep asked if the recruiter had talked to me about smoking. Erm, no. Well, it turns out that this company does not hire tobacco users, and they've specifically told the recruiter to find out prior to an interview whether or not the applicant uses tobacco. He apparently sent them a smoker and they told him that if he didn't start screening the way they wanted him to, they weren't going to use him anymore. I don't smoke but the HR guy is all up in arms 'cause the recruiter didn't ask me.

Then, I went and made it worse when I asked if they needed me to fill out a travel expense report or something. The recruiter told me that I would be reimbursed for mileage. My asking about it was the first time that the interviewer had heard anything about it, so the recruiter lied to me to get me to travel over 1000 miles round-trip, take 2 days off of work, and spend over $200 in gas and tolls to be there for this interview. Nice. He did this without knowing (since he didn't know whether or not I smoke) if I was even qualified, by the company's terms, to work there.

As I was leaving, the HR guy told me that having to work with this recruiter, and having to relocate me, were going to be obstacles in getting the job.

I wish I could even say that I was surprised. My dealings with recruiters have been nearly uniformly poor. Let's see, there was the time I drove to Michigan for a first interview for what I thought was a process engineering position. Turns out they were hiring for a warehouse supervisor. Then there was the time I drove five hours to an interview only to be told that since the job called for travel in Latin America, they weren't going to be hiring a female since male engineers in Mexico aren't, apparently, capable of dealing professionally with a woman. The recruiter sent my name in as Erick A to get me the interview. The back of my head nearly blew off during the course of THAT little conversation. And the list goes on.

What is wrong with these people? If you get paid based on matching the person with the job, perhaps you should keep in mind that the key term there is "matching." Sending me to so-called opportunities that I've grossly over- or under-qualified for, or to jobs that you know, based on conversations about my goals, are NOT going to be anything that I'm interested in doesn't help either one of us. So why?

Why? Why? Why? *growl*

Comfort Food

I'm back. For now. I may have mentioned once or twice how I feel about fall. It sucks. Everything dies, it gets cold, the sun goes into hiding. Ugh. There's just something about a dreary autumn day that makes me feel small, alone, and well, desolate.

I retreat into a funk and find it nearly impossible to get anything done. I overslept on Monday. Tuesday, it got bad enough that I just called in sick and slept all day.

Finally, sometime yesterday afternoon, my sniveling self pity made me disgusted enough with myself that I hauled me out of bed and got crackin' - in a small, mostly insignificant way. I did a load of laundry - the bathroom rug and my junk towels; I took the trash out; cleaned out the litter box; watered plants; straightened up the kitchen; then - ugh! - I ended up scrubbing out the fridge 'cause when I dug around for the stew meat, I discovered that the package had been shoved to the back and kind of tipped and it bled all over the back of my refrigerator. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Now, my hands are all cracked and dried from the bleach, but you could, if necessary, perform a sterile operation safely on any inside surface of the fridge.

Then I made comfort food - braised beef and noodles. Yum! I'm feeling better now, although I did burn the roof of my mouth. Ouchie. So, if you're all depressed on a grey fall day, spend a few hours making this, then curl up with a cat, and a good book. Things will fall back into place in fairly short order.

Braised Beef and Noodles
from the kitchen of... my mom

Trim excess fat from package of stew meat and cut (if necessary) into bite sized chunks. Add enough olive oil to a large pot to cover the bottom. Brown beef, then add about half of a coarsely chopped onion and 3 or 4 cloves (not the whole bulb, the little cloves!) of garlic, minced. Cook, stirring frequently, until onion is soft.

Add water to fill pot. (Last night, I used a stock pot and filled it about half way - with approx. 8 cups of water.) Add 2 teaspoons each of garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. (Depending on your fondness for pepper, you may want to add closer to 1 tsp - 2 is kinda peppery.) Simmer, covered, for 2 hours.

Add 3 beef bouillon cubes. Boil for 10 minutes. Add 4 potatoes (peeled and quartered, lengthwise) and half a bag of egg noodles. Cook until potatoes are done.

Optional bit that we always do: removed meat, noodles and potatoes from pot. Make a paste of flour and water. Bring liquid to boil, drizzle in flour paste slowly, while stirring constantly. Bowl for a minute or two, stirring constantly. When thickened to taste, put meat, etc back in pot.

Note: the image above is the soup tureen that Mom always serves this dish in. I love this pattern - Johnson Brothers "The Old Mill." It's one sure way of getting me to do the dishes 'cause I pitch a fit if she tries to put the tureen into the dishwasher.

What the ....??

So, suddenly, my blog went apeshit. Why did the blog part of my blog migrate to the bottom? And, my blog roll and past events look bigger. Why is it doing this? Gah! Just when I was thinking I knew what I was doing!!!

EEP! Snow!

It SNOWED today. I'm so not ready for this. Wah! Whine! Moan! Complain!

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Okay, so I went wandering off looking for an appropriately dreary picture for this post, and I found the coolest pictures! (The one above is an example.) Check out this site - for some odd reason, they're growing their own snowflakes. Rather like chiapets, I guess.

Since I'm capable of switching focus with lightning-like quickness (read: attention span of a hyper fruit fly), I went from totally bummed to totally intrigued. These people have the right idea! Live someplace warm and grow pretty snowflakes. I like snowflakes on a one-on-one basis; it's when they form a mob that we disagree. And the pictures are beautiful - the post office agrees. Stamps with some of these images will be available in October.

Now, I guess I'm not so bummed about the snow. I guess. *shiver* What was I saying before I got distracted with the pretty shiny things? Hmm. Not a clue. I'm cold. Winter sucks. Is it spring yet? Why in the world am I living near Chicago? I've lost my tiny little mind. Actually, it probably froze solid and shattered. I need more coffee. Later!

Temeraire

I love dragons. I always have. They're just so cool. And quite by accident, I discovered a new author who has become one of my favorites: Naomi Novak.

Her publishing company took the unusual step of having her first three novels come out in a single year. This was awesome, since I devoured all three in a weekend. This sucks, 'cause now I have to wait for a year for the next one. NOW, dammit! How dare you attempt a life?!?! Just sit there and write!

Anywho, her books are about the adventures of a former sea captain who, during the Napoleonic Wars, manages to accidently bond with a young dragon. Temeraire was captured from the French as an egg and hatched before the ship could get into port. As England is struggling with the French, and dragons are crucial for aerial combat, Lawrence reluctantly gives up his ship for a life in the Corps, defending England from the air. Temeraire ends up being a very rare Chinese dragon, known for their grace and intelligence and the two of them get into all sorts of fixes.

It's a very engaging series, and makes me even more bitter that I can't have a dragon of my own. For a quick taste, you can check out a short story (set between the first and second books) on her website.

So, curl up with these books and a cup o'joe and enjoy. You can thank me later. ;-)

Newest news: A movie is in the works, directed by Peter Jackson. I loved LOTR, so I'm not too worried about the books being butchered by some witless movie dork. Really, I'm not. *gulp*

Golf Outing

Okay, so I'm not a golfer. I've never actually done it before. Not even at a driving range. I'm not even particularly capable of miniature golfing. The last time that I went miniature golfing was several years ago, and I nearly killed an old guy. The hole in question required you to whack the ball up a hill and under a little bridge. It curved around in a loop until it went over the little bridge to the hole. I was having a bit of trouble getting it up the hill - it kept rolling back to where it started. So, I had a mild temper tantrum and WHACKED it whereupon it lifted into the air, hit the little bridge, rebounded back through the air and whacked the guy standing behind us in the forehead. He went down like he'd been hit by a hammer. Turns out he had a concussion. So I'm not exactly batting a thousand here. And mostly, I'm okay with that.

But... every year my company has a golf outing, open to everyone. Last year, all of my friends went and had so much fun that they're STILL talking about it. So I determined that this year, I would not be left out. It was originally scheduled for September 24th, but we'd gotten so much rain that the course was underwater, so it was rescheduled for October 1. I thought Sunday was an odd day for it, but maybe that's just my ignorance showing through.

I ended up on a team with a friend, we'll call her Laverne, who has also never golfed before; another friend - we'll call him Lenny - who golfs once a year or so and Lenny's 11 year old son. We'll call him Squiggy. Squiggy's never been on a golf course before. I told Lenny that this outing probably wasn't the best place for a child and it was okay to have a threesome but he'd "already told Squiggy and he was excited."

A point to remember. I do not have children. I prefer it that way. OPKs (other people's kids) are okay in small doses if they are well controlled. A choke chain works. Lenny, who is a very close friend of mine, does not believe in discipline. Actually, he and his wife are completely subservient to their little angels, to the point that they've not been invited to peoples' homes because other people don't want their uncontrolled beasts running amuck in their houses. But I digress.

Laverne and I were in one golf cart, Lenny and Squiggy in another. Let me pause here briefly and backtrack.

My friend, D, WAS going to take me to the driving range prior to this little expedition but the weather and her family schedule didn't cooperate. She did, however, set me up with spare clubs. Right-handed ones. Have I ever mentioned that I'm left-handed? Right, well. I am. More ambidextrous than most but still... left-handed. D and I drove together to the golf course, which was in the middle of freaking nowhere. It took us over an hour to get there. But we arrived, and they handed us beer and keys to the golf carts, nearly in one motion. That just seems wrong to me, but whatever.

So, Laverne and I in one golf cart, Lenny and Squiggy in the other. Tee off was at 1:00. At 12:45, Squiggy is whining that he wants to go. Go now. Why should we have to wait, let's just go... with the cart in reverse, so it was squawking that high pitched beep noise. Before we even started, and I'm ready to really hurt Squiggy. Finally, mere moments before I snap and start pounding on the brat with a nine iron (or a six, what's the difference?), the guy in charge makes his announcements and we're all off.

Here's something odd. The golf course has an air strip running right down the middle of it. It's a tiny one - just grass with rows of cones but it separates the first nine holes and the second. The whole day was spent being buzzed by cute little planes taking off and landing. You had to make sure the coast was clear before crossing back and forth over the fairway. Very early in the day, we nearly lost the beer cart 'cause the lady crossed in front of a plane taking off and froze in the middle of the runway. The plane pulled WAY up and managed to miss her by about two inches. Very exciting stuff. I'm told that this is not normal for golf courses.

So we get to the first hole, which for us was hole 6. This was to be a scramble, playing every shot from the best and using at least three shots from every member of the foursome. So Laverne sticks her tee in the ground, balances the ball and gets ready to swing... and Squiggy yells that he wants to be first, runs in front of her and puts his tee in the ground about 9" ahead of hers. And Lenny remains quiet. Squiggy nearly brained Laverne going first as she scrambled backwards out of the way. It took him several tries to hit the ball, which went about four feet beyond the tee box. He then yells that we will be using his shot. Laverne tees again, gets ready to swing and Squiggy starts yapping, just to distract her. She hits, then I hit. Okay, I swung a couple of times and then connected but it wasn't too bad. Then Lenny nails the poor little ball a couple hundred yards. Holy crap! If it were a baseball, it woulda been outta there!

So we hop in our carts and we're off! Laverne and I split it equally - she drove the first nine holes, I drove the last. Lenny let Squiggy drive. Actually I suppose a better way to say it was that Squiggy didn't let Lenny drive.

The entire day was an exercise in not bashing that child's head in. We didn't talk to anyone else, because everyone knows what Lenny's spawn are like and won't come anywhere near them. At every hole on every shot, the child yelled, squealed, barked, threw balls, drove the cart in front of the tee box - whatever he could do to distract you from hitting your shot. He ripped the hell out of the course - several pounds of every sandtrap onto the green, divets the size of the rodent in Caddyshack, stabbing the flag into the ground, moving the markers. Ooh, and on several occasions, someone yelled "fore!" and a ball came bouncing by, and Squiggy took them. He left that day with quite the collection of balls from other players. The entire time, Lenny was correcting him - but he never once followed through with anything. Squiggy didn't even look over at Lenny while Lenny was telling him not to do something. Lenny told Squiggy four freaking times that he was done driving for the day, and when it was time to move on, Squiggy hopped behind the wheel, and Lenny sat down next to him and didn't say another word about it. Once, Lenny got the wheel away from Squiggy, and used the opportunity to show the little darling how to skid sideways to a stop a la Dukes of Hazard. Fortuately, that was near the end of the day, so there weren't too many huge ruts from the cart.

Finally, FINALLY, we finished - at a bit after 6:00 and went in to dinner. That was about the longest five hours of my life. And on top of it all, dinner sucked. The salad was good. Our other choices were squishy California mixed vegetables, instant mashed potatoes, very fatty ribs and half cooked chicken. Yummy. We sat at a round table for 8, so others got to experience some of the joy that is Squiggy. He took only a huge plate full of mashed potatoes, and spent dinner playing with it - molding it into a castle using the water glasses and bread sticks. They took our scorecards, and then had people go up and chose from a table of prizes bases on their scores. Squiggy went up and helped himself to as much as he could carry. The guy in charge had to come to our table and extract items to put back. Once again, Lenny was completely ineffective.

D and I left as soon as we could. On the whole, I wouldn't mind trying it again - with left-handed clubs and without children. On the way home, D said she had no idea how I didn't do damage to Squiggy. I'm not sure either.

Positives:
* The drive to the course was fun and scenic.
* I had fun with Laverne.
* I really liked zipping around in the golf cart.
* It was a BEAUTIFUL day and I was happy to be out in it.
* Golfing, if you have good company, the proper equipment and some clue what the hell you're doing, may not entirely suck.

Not So Positives:
* We'll probably have to find a new course next year, 'cause the owner did NOT look happy with us. Turns out their insurance doesn't allow for children driving the carts, which he told Lenny and Lenny ignored.
* I've learned that good friends can be pretty crappy parents.
* I've learned that the same good friends can evidently be completely oblivious to their offspring's unpopularity. At one point during the day, I looked at Lenny and said "Next year, the kid stays home." Yes, exactly like that. During the course of the day, Lenny tried to get either Laverne or I to switch with him in the cart "because Squiggy's driving was so bad." Evidently the whole concept of not letting your child drive is foreign.

The Next Day:
Lenny and I IM (instant message) back and forth throughout the day. When I came in on Monday, I wondered if Lenny would be talking to me, based on how I treated his child the day before. I logged on and almost immediately got a message from him thanking me for my patience with his son's behavior.

Here's the really weird thing:
I can't decide if Lenny is really that clueless or if he's hoping that I'll take his children in hand. He said something at one point about how he felt his son would be a good helper for me. I replied back with "Only if you want to see him hurt. I demand obedience from my minions, and I'm willing to beat them until I get it." He said he was fine with whatever methods I decided to employ. Then he said something about how next year, he and Laverne would share a cart and Squiggy and I could duke it out. I responded with "Not bloody likely."

Oh The Irony:
Also the next day, Lenny was complaining about how his back hurt. He whined for quite a while about it. I thought it was from the swinging, since he didn't golf that frequently. Nope. It was from Squiggy driving. Apparently they were playing a game where Squiggy would slow down and drive past a ball and Lenny would lean out of the cart and grab it on the fly. Except that Squiggy would wait for Lenny to lean out and then would slam on the brakes - and he kept doing it throughout the day. This is why Lenny's back hurt. Okay, maybe this is just me, but if you have back trouble anyway and your kid pulled something like this, how would you react? Continue to allow it to happen? Beat the brat senseless right then and there? Take the wheel of the golf cart and wait 'till you got home to pound on 'em? Probably most parents would go with something like option three. Option two looks best to me. Lenny chose option one.

Sometimes I ask for others' viewpoints before I say anything because I frequently do not look at things the same way as others. This time, however, I've had nearly everyone that was there tell me that they have no idea how I put up with Squiggy for the day.

Aww well, live and learn. Next year, I shall have left handed clubs and I shall pick my foursome more carefully!

My Morning Schedule

CMHL posted her take on "Rawhide" the other day, along with her typical morning routine. In the interests of not posting anything too huge in her comments, I thought I'd share this morning's schedule as it was fairly typical.

Foreword...
I may have mentioned a time or two that I am nocturnal by nature. I don't willingly do mornings. My coffee mug at works says "A morning without coffee is like sleep." and I mean every word of it.

Something else, I sleep like the dead. I fall asleep almost before I make it under the covers and I don't move again without 10 or so alarm clocks buzzing, ringing and squawking in and around my ears. I can sleep just about anywhere, and through just about anything. Once when I was young, my father attempted to pry me out of bed by picking up one side of the mattress and flipping me onto the floor. It didn't wake me up. My brother and my mom are the same way.

One side effect of this is that I do not wake up well. None of my blood has been moving for several hours, and things just don't work. I usually fall at least once, 'cause I essentially have to relearn how to stand and walk. My voice is a rusty croak, I can't see, I have no cognitive abilities - actually, you won't see a better shambling zombie impression anywhere. Well, anywhere outside my family.

I have learned to cope as much as possible. My morning routine begins the night before. I pack a lunch and leave it in the fridge, set up the coffeepot so it'll have the elixir waiting for me, set up the coffee mug - 1 teaspoon of sugar and some milk in a mug and leave it in the fridge in its spot, put my badge (electronic, to get in the door at work) and my house keys in my purse, gather everything that needs to go to work and pile it by the door, set out whatever I'm wearing the next day including jewelry and shoes, and ensure all alarms are set properly and ready to go. If there's anything special that I need to remember, I write myself a note on the mirror in dry erase marker, and leave a post-it on the door at eye level. I shower and wash my hair every night. (This is partly 'cause my hair eats dryers and this way it can air dry overnight.) Once I've done everything possible the night before, I snuggle into unconsciousness.

So this morning...
I know the alarms started blaring when the clocks read 6:30. (Actual time: somewhere around 5:45 - I change it regularly to keep myself off-balance) I started smacking snooze buttons between 5 and 10 minutes after that. When the clocks read 7:15, I crawled out of bed, and flipped the covers back up. (That's all that is necessary to make the bed. I really don't move at night.) Stumbled to the bathroom for the morning absolutions, fell over the kitten on the way. From the bathroom, headed to the kitchen (whacked into recliner, the coffee table and only one wall this morning), retrieved my mug from the fridge and poured the first cup. Sucked that one down, took the refilled mug (black this time) to the bedroom and got dressed. Grabbed the cell phone and the blackberry and left the bedroom, shutting off the light on the way. Back to the kitchen to put cell phone in purse and refill coffee mug. Back to the bathroom to brush teeth, fight with hair and take vitamins. Yum, coffee, multi-vitamin and calcium tablets - the breakfast of champions. Turned off light, back to kitchen to change cat water and refill food bowl and chug last mug of coffee. This morning was my turn to drive, so I gathered up my stuff and was out the door by 7:15.

From there, I picked up my friend and headed for work. In the building by 7:50, clip on the badge, hit the power button on the 'puter and head for the coffee pot with my carafe for pot #2.

Afterword...
Once I'm done in a room, I turn the light off. Otherwise I will, at some point, wander back in there and then just stand in the middle of the room, trying to figure out why I'm there.

I use Oberweiss milk, which comes in glass containers. I am not coordinated enough in the morning to handle the bottle without dropping it, which is why the mug is prepared the night before. Also, that keeps me from putting the coffee pot in the fridge and trying to stuff the bottle under the coffee drip. (Yes, I have done this before. More than once. If you expose a cold milk bottle to a hot burner enough times, you too can experience the nearly explosive cracking force from the temperature extremes.)

This morning was uneventful. Some mornings are worse than others.

My father works nights, so he was just getting ready to go bed when my brother and I were living at home and starting our days. He used to be very entertained watching us bumble around. We have actually ran smack dab into each other, and then both fallen. *sigh* At least I'm not alone!

Things I've Done, Part 3 (questions 101-150)

Finally finished! Whew.

So, part one can be found here.
Part two can be found here.

Total for all 150 questions:
Yes: 34 + 23 + 23 = 80
Half-credit: 5 + 4 + 3 = 12
No: 11 + 23 + 24 = 58

~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.

Total count for the third part:
Yes: 23
Half-credit: 3
No: 24

Abstract:
Yes: 102, 104, 109-111, 116, 118, 120, 122, 125, 127-130, 133-136, 138, 140, 144, 145
Half-credit: 108, 114, 146
No: 101, 103, 105-107, 112, 113, 115, 117, 119, 121, 123, 124, 126, 131, 132, 137, 139, 142, 143, 147-150

101 - Walked The Golden Gate Bridge. I haven't spent any time in SanFranciscoo. My cousin is getting married there next spring, so this will hopefully change.

102 - Sang loudly in the car and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking. Certainly. Haven't you?

103 - Had plastic surgery. Nope.

104 - Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived. More than one of them, actually.

105 - Wrote articles for a large publication. Nope.
106 - Lost over 100 pounds. Nope.
107 - Held someone while they were having a flashback. Nope.

108 - Piloted an airplane. I'm going to say half credit here, 'cause I dated a guy once who ran a charter service with his dad. I've never taken off, but I've flown, and even landed once.

109 - Petted a stingray. Pre-Katrina Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans had an area where you could pat little ones. Scratchy.

110 - Broken someone's heart. I didn't mean to.

111 - Helped an animal give birth. If by help, you mean stand there, ready to speed dial the vet.

112 - Won money on a TV game show. Nope.

113 - Broken a bone. Nope. I bounce - at least so far.

114 - Gone on an African photo safari. See #5. I have gone to The Wilds, near Cambridge, Ohio so, I'll say half credit here 'cause I went on an African ANIMAL photo safari, even if I was in Ohio.

115 - Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced. Not intentionally. I did staple my thumbs together once though. Man, that hurt!

116 - Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol. Of course. My father taught me early and well.

117 - Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild. Yuck. Fungus.

118 - Ridden a horse. I grew up with them, and ride every chance I get.

119 - Had major surgery. Nope, thankfully. My closest (and only) was the extraction of my wisdom teeth this spring.

120 - Had a snake as a pet. Once, on vacation, we found 2 black racer snakes in our cabin. The ranger wouldn't touch the margarine container once he knew what was in it, so we took them home. We had them for a couple of years. They were neat.

121 - Hiked to the bottom of The Grand Canyon.

122 - Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours. My personal record was right after I graduated from college. That semester ranks as the 16 worst weeks of my life - working 30+ hours a week, taking 21 credit hours of engineering classes and running two households while my grandmother and my mother were out of commission. I fell into bed after the graduation ceremony and woke up 36 hours later.

123 - Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States. See # 5.

124 - Visited all 7 continents. See #5.

125 - Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than two days. Yup - in high school a bunch of us went. It was a lot of fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again.

126 - Eaten kangaroo meat. No. I'm not really interested in it either.

127 - Eaten sushi. Tried it. Yuck.

128 - Had your picture in the newspaper. I was quite the nerd in high school, and routinely got my picture in the paper for awards for writing and science and such.

129 - Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about. You do not want to get me started on the state of civil liberties in our current, so-called "free" society.

130 - Gone back to school. I went to college directly out of high school, was there for 2 years and quit. Two years later, I went back and finished my degree.

131 - Parasailed. Not yet, but I want to - it looks like SO much fun!

132 - Petted a cockroach. I've sucked a couple up in vacuum cleaners, and squashed a couple, but never have I petted one. Why in God's name would you?!? *shudder*

133 - Eaten fried green tomatoes. I didn't really care for them.

134 - Read The Iliad And The Odyssey. Turns out Miss Gradwell and Mrs. Berry knew what they were doing.

135 - Selected an important author who you missed in school and read something they wrote. I managed to miss "Les Miserables" during school.

136 - Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Only if you count fish as animals. I'm too squeamish about my little forest friends to hurt them. I didn't kill the chicken, but I did prepare and cook one - starting with the plucking. I didn't eat it though. I was too grossed out by the whole process of preparation.

137 - Skipped all your school reunions. Nope. I went to my ten year, and will probably go to my fifteen year.

138 - Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language. Sure, especially if you count critters.

139 - Been elected to public office.

140 - Written your own computer language. Fortran sucks, but I've done it.

141 - Somehow or another, this one got lost in the shuffle, so I'm making up my own question. Have you ever consumed more than 5 pots of coffee in a day? Yes. During that last hell semester of college, I was subsisting on two hours or so of sleep a night and between eight and ten pots of coffee during the day. I don't recommend it.

142 - Had to put someone you love into hospice care. Not yet. The day is coming, however.

143 - Built your own PC from parts. No. I'm kind of surprised at myself. Maybe that's what I'll do this weekend.

144 - Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you. Actually this one and the next are rather closely tied together as I sold some of my paintings at a street fair.

145 - Had a booth at a street fair. Yup. See above.

146 - Dyed your hair. I'm going to say half credit here. I've dyed it for Halloween with that washout stuff and once it was inadvertently turned grass green by pool chemicals.

147 - Been a DJ. Nope.

148 - Shaved your head. No, but it felt like it when I got sick of my hair in high school and chopped off several feet.

149 - Caused a car accident. Not that I know of.

150 - Saved someone's life. Not that I know of.

Things I've Done, Part 2 (questions 51-100)

Wow, this is taking me forever. Who put this thing together anyway?

See here for Part 1.

Total Count for the second part:
Yes: 23
1/2 credit: 4
No: 23

Abstract:
Yes: 53, 55-59, 62-65, 69, 70, 73, 74, 77, 80, 83, 84, 87-89, 98, 100
1/2 credit: 67, 76, 85, 86
No: 51, 52, 54, 60, 61, 66, 68, 71, 72, 75, 78, 79, 81, 82, 90-97, 99

51 - Visited Ireland. See #5

52 - Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love. Nope. I'm fairly shallow.

53 - In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them. Hibachi Japan in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio is VERY tasty if you're ever in the neighborhood. They've got a great plum wine, and you sit at tables of 8. If you don't have 8 in your party, you meet new people over dinner.

54 - Visited Japan. See #5

55 - Milked a cow. See #32 - that whole rural thing. I've been cow tipping too.

56 - Alphabetized your CDs. Umm. Doesn't everyone? How do you find anything if you haven't.

57 - Pretended to be a superhero. Sure. Not lately, but as a kid, I frequently pinned a towel around my neck for a cape and went swooping around the house.

58 - Sung karaoke. Dogs cried. Trust me, you're better off not personally witnessing this.

59 - Lounged around in bed all day. I don't think *lounged* per se is the right word, but sleeping all day is a typical weekend activity for me.

60 - Posed nude in front of strangers. Oh, hell no.

61 - Gone scuba diving. *sigh* I ended up an engineer at least partly because in high school I signed up for a summer camp to become certified in scuba. I didn't get into the scuba camp but the same university also had an engineering camp and they put me in that. At the camp, I came to realize that the scuba camp was bait and everyone in the engineering camp applied for the scuba one. Flash forward several years, and everyone I kept in touch with majored in... engineering. AND, not one of us ever managed a scuba certification.

62 - Kissed in the rain. Of course. If you haven't, I'm sorry.

63 - Played in the mud. Certainly. I like to feel it squishing between my toes, and I make a mean mud pie.

64 - Played in the rain. In high school physics, we proved (somehow or another) that you get wetter running through the rain than you would just walking through it. Assuming I'm not going to spend a lot of time afterwards in wet denim, I'd rather stomp in puddles and play.

65 - Gone to a drive-in theater. There used to be a theatre in Akron, Ohio called the Gala. My friends and I regularly went - there was a futon mattress in the back of my pickup for years 'cause we'd take the cap off and lounge in the bed with a cooler and watch the double features. The most fun was probably the "Anaconda"/"Relic" double-feature. Yay creature movies!

66 - Visited The Great Wall Of China. See #5

67 - Started a business. I'll say half credit here, 'cause I'm not sure lemonade stands at age 7 count. Although, I occasionally have enough done to have a booth at a craft show.

68 - Fallen in love and not had your heart broken. Hearts break all the time, at least a little.

69 - Toured ancient sites. Many as I've wandered the highways and byways of our very interesting country. One of the coolest: the serpent mound in Adams County, Ohio. It's a very spiritual place. If you're ever in the neighborhood, check it out here.

70 - Taken a martial arts class. I've taken several. I actually need to start back up - I enjoyed it thoroughly.

71 - Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight. I've never understood that game.

72 - Gotten married. Nope. Never even got close. I fully expect to be the crazy old lady with a million cats. Maybe you'll see me on the news one day.

73 - Been in a movie. "In" a movie might be an exaggeration. I was an inadvertent extra several times, and a couple friends are amateur filmmakers. I've been in their movies - usually I end up getting killed off in some improbable fashion.

74 - Crashed a party. Just a couple of weeks ago, my friend and her sister had a house warming. They gave directions to their cluster of townhouses and said to follow the balloons. I did that and ended up sitting in a garage full of people I'd never seen before. I just figured them for my friend's sister's friends. Gradually it occurred to me that I was the only white person there and they were all looking at me weirdly. Turns out, I took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong cluster - at someone's family reunion. Whoops. I should have eaten there - whatever they were cooking smelled fantastic and I ended up eating cold pizza and burnt sloppy joes.

75 - Gotten divorced. My parents are still my parents and otherwise, you need to get married to get divorced.

76 - Gone without food for 5 days. We'll say half credit here, 'cause I had a nasty, horrible bout with the stomach flu once that lasted nearly 2 weeks. I couldn't keep water down. It was awful.

77 - Made cookies from scratch. *blink* Of course. Any other way doesn't really count. I feel this was about all baking and most cooking. If you use a store-bought pie crust, it doesn't count as baking either. (Yes, I'm a baking and a cooking snob.)

78 - Won first prize in a costume contest. No, but if you're ever in Kent, Ohio around Halloween, you should really go and check out their costumes. Kent has a very good fashion design program and Halloween costumes were part of one of the classes.

79 - Ridden a gondola in Venice. See #5.

80 - Gotten a tattoo. So far, just one but they really are like potato chips. I hadn't even healed from it before I was contemplating what to do next.

81 - Rafted The Snake River. Several others, but not that one. Not yet anyway.

82 - Been on a television news program as an expert. And not likely to be, ever.

83 - Got flowers for no reason. My friend and I exchange flowers for no reason at random points throughout the year. It perks both of us up.

84 - Performed on stage. Not particularly well, and not since high school.

85 - Been to Las Vegas. Half credit here - I've spent several hours in the airport on layovers.

86 - Recorded music. Nothing I've ever personally produced could ever even be called lyrical. I've taped music off of the radio and made my own cd collections. Does that count? We'll say half credit here.

87 - Eaten shark. I tried it. Yuck.

88 - Eaten fugu (pufferfish). Same as above.

89 - Had a one-night stand. *sigh* I went through a period where my ability to make intelligent decisions took a powder. It's okay, I'm mostly over it.

90 - Gone to Thailand. See #5

91 - Bought a house. Not yet. Once day, hopefully.

92 - Been in a combat zone. I'm assuming you mean a real one, and not my friend's marriage.

93 - Buried one/both of your parents. I can't even contemplate it.

94 - Been on a cruise ship. Nope. Maybe one day.

95 - Spoken more than one language fluently. Are you kidding? I'm usually incoherent in English. I am attempting to learn Spanish though. And if I manage that, I did promise my grandmother to learn German - the native tongue, if you will.

96 - Performed in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've never ever seen the whole show in a theatre.

97 - Raised children. I spent several months as a nanny. It was hell, and completely reinforced my decision to never breed.

98 - Followed your favorite band/singer on tour. Not for the entire tour, but for several cities.

99 - Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country. See #5.

100 - Picked up and moved to another city just to start over. At 21, I took a wild hair and moved to Southern California for several months. At 30, I moved several hundred miles away for a new job. Very traumatic.

Avast, Me Mateys!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you...

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!!

And no, I'm not making this up. Someone else did. So there.
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

An Update:

I went into full-blown Martha Stewart mode for this. (I do this occasionally. It's okay, so far I've always come back from it unscathed.)

So, I put together goody bags for my friends, since we went out to celebrate. I got plain black gift bags and decorated them with pirate stickers. Then I filled the bags with eye patches, goofy paper hats, chocolate "coins," plastic pieces of eight, bags of gold gum, pirates of the Caribbean puzzles and some other random pirate booty. As a centerpiece for our table I made a chocolate treasure chest from a mold I got at the Wilton Tent Sale and filled it with gobstoppers and Hershey's huggables. (Yes, I've been planning this for a while.)

We had a good time, the goody bags went over very well, but the highlight of the evening was the package of temporary tattoos that I picked up on a whim. We all put one on, although mine is the only one even remotely visible - I put a three masted schooner on my inside left wrist. (It still looks really cool - these things are more durable than I thought they'd be.) The other two ladies put theirs up high on their arms. The guys put theirs on a - his chest, b & c - their shoulders, in the back. It was quite entertaining to watch the contortions as they struggled to reach under layers of clothes and remain in their seats.

I have to say, however, that I did a much better job of being a pirate than they did. After I returned home, I changed into jeans and ventured out for plundering - AMNESTY DAY has once again arrived. YAY! It's like a village-wide garage sale, but everything is free!

It's probably fairly sad that I have SO much fun rooting around in other people's trash. But, man, I got some cool stuff!

* I found a really neat Keystone beer sign that will look great in my brother's basement, near the pool table and the dart board. It looks like a giant can of beer and it lights up.

* A complete, working Nintendo 64 system with extra controllers and a couple of games plus the Tomb Raider Gold game CDs

* A working HP fax machine

* A like-new, very nice, Lexmark printer - complete with a bunch of extra ink cartridges

* A storage container of someone's fabric remnants, including a wonderful selection of colored felt and some really nifty Christmas fabric (I quilt, so this makes me very happy.)

* A weekender-sized rolling luggage - the only good rolling luggage I have is HUGE and I've been meaning to buy something I can carry on

* Another alarm clock - I just murdered another one and was down to 7 so this is very welcome

* Other assorted cool things such as a Pouges CD, a nifty mirror, a paperback copy of "The Odyssey," a medical reference book, a like-new mini food processor, a plastic "briefcase" that will be a very cool travel case for some of my stitchery, some interesting cotton wadding - quite a bit of my score came from outside a dentist's office - including an unopened whitening kit although I may be too chicken to use that.

But, the best, the coolest score of the night was the garden stuff. Ooh, I'm so happy! Background - my mom's got this planter. It's black metal and about five feet tall and it looks kinda like a spiral staircase. There's a basket on top, and then 'steps' or shelves as it curls around a central post. Anyway, it's REALLY cool looking and I've made several attempts to steal it over the years. She's thwarted me every time - it's one of her favorites too. In the summer, it sits outside near the side of the house, and the flowers cascade around and down in a river of purple. It's beautiful! Guess what?!? I found one! I'll have to check more carefully, but it may be identical - it's very close. So now I have my own! Yay! Definitely was the high point of my evening! But, I also found a long tray planter at one place, a trellis at another, and chicken wire at yet another so next year, my morning glories will have room to spread out and flourish. Once I got it home, I realized that the tray planter had stuff in it - a hose nozzle and this really neat rake thing. (I described it to Mom and she LOVES hers - says it's great for breaking up clumps, and the gods know, with my clay I've got LOTS of clumps to contend with.) I also took the statue/bird feeder/outside dust collector of a bunny under an open flower. Quite cute. And I found a metal tripod thingie that I think I can make work as a tomato cage next year. So, I'm good for the garden stuff.

As with the last Amnesty Day, I started out "just going for a walk" to the library... with a flashlight. And I just kinda glanced around while I was walking. Then I really got into it and started rooting around. (I was going to link to my adventures last time and then I realized that I haven't finished it and it's languishing in edit. Oops.) And, unlike MM's looters, I'm so compulsive that I leave the trash more together and organized than when I found it. Actually, what really bothers me is the waste. As much as I enjoy scavenging, I'm somewhat appalled by the stuff that just gets thrown away. I won't go all philosophical about how much we take for granted living in a land of plenty, as least not right now, but it really bugs me. So, once again, I collected an entire Jeep load of stuff that I dropped off at Goodwill. You know, there are organizations that will come to your house and pick stuff up. They're happy to do it. There's really no need to toss entire leaf bags of clothes with the tags still attached, boxes of kitchen wares, working appliances, sporting equipment, etc in the trash. *sigh* Of course, if they didn't put that stuff and more out, I wouldn't get to play in it.

Well, at any rate, Happy Talk (and maybe Act) Like A Pirate Day!!

Things I've Done, Part 1 (questions 1-50)

Total count for first 50:
Yes: 34
1/2 Credit: 5
No: 11

Abstract:
Yes: 1, 6-10, 12-14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 22-27, 29-34, 37-39, 41-43, 45, 47, 49
1/2: 3, 4, 28, 44, 48
No: 2, 5, 11, 16, 18, 21, 35, 36, 40, 46, 50


1 - Bought everyone in the bar a drink. Fortunately, the place was almost empty, so it wasn’t as painful as it could have been.

2 - Swam with wild dolphins. No, but it sure sounds cool.

3 - Climbed a mountain. But really, does it count if you don’t *need* special equipment? I’ve scaled several but they were all friendly – I haven’t ever used rappelling gear and such. We’ll say half credit here.

4 - Taken a Ferrari for a test drive. I’m going to say half credit here as well, ‘cause I had a Viper for a weekend, and I’ve driven a Lamborgini (AND I didn’t stall it!).

5 - Been inside The Great Pyramid. The only other countries I’ve been to are Canada and Mexico.

6 - Held a tarantula. It tickled as it walked around on me. They’re quite fuzzy, you know.

7 - Taken a candlelit bath with someone. Until the hives appeared, he didn’t believe that I was indeed allergic to bubble bath. That relationship didn’t last much longer than the bubbles.

8 - Said "I love you" and meant it. To family, friends, pets, all manner of creatures great and small.

9 - Hugged a tree. Some of my best friends are trees.

10 - Bungee jumped. From a railroad bridge in Pennsylvania. I didn’t really think about the whole getting back down part until it was really too late. Then I went and did it again, once I got the hang (so to speak) of unclipping myself and falling into the water.

11 - Visited Paris. See #5 I’ve been to Paris, Ohio. Does that count?

12 - Watched a lightning storm at sea. Sitting on the beach in Southern California, watching it approach over the Pacific. One of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.

13 - Stayed up all night long and saw the sunrise. I am a nocturnal creature. In my happy place, I go to bed as the sun’s coming up. Too bad my job doesn’t agree with that.

14 - Seen The Northern Lights. Sometimes, they are visible in the lower 48. Once, while flying to Seattle, I saw them from the air and that was REALLY neat.

15 - Gone to a huge sports game. How do you classify huge? Professional? Yup – baseball, football (zzzz), soccer, hockey, NASCAR. A couple of them were capacity crowds.

16 - Walked the stairs to the top of The Leaning Tower Of Pisa. See #5.

17 - Grown and eaten your own vegetables. Yum. Tomatoes, corn, peas, green peppers, squash, watermelon, musk melon, apples, cherries, plums, pears, etc. You’ll never find the same quality in the store.

18 - Touched an iceberg. There aren’t many of them lurking around Ohio. Or Chicago, for that matter.

19 - Slept under the stars. Frequently. Sometimes, I even meant to, instead of just falling asleep on the pool furniture.

20 - Changed a baby's diaper. Yuck. One reason I have no desire to produce any of those things on my own.

21 - Taken a trip in a hot air balloon. I came close several times – they fly (float?) over my parents’ house all the time.

22 - Watched a meteor shower. Several times. The best was inadvertent. I was VERY lost somewhere in Texas, or possibly New Mexico and there wasn’t a light to be seen for miles – except for the stars, and the meteors. Very cool experience. Never did figure out where the hell I was.

23 - Gotten drunk on champagne. Mimosas with some of my best girlfriends. Yummy and a wonderful time. The right friends can make even hangovers kinda fun.

24 - Given more than you can afford to charity. Every penny I gave while in college was really more than I could afford.

25 - Looked up at the night sky through a telescope. One of dad’s friends had one. We went to their house to see a meteor shower once when I was a kid.

26 - Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment. I tend to get the giggles when I’m scared stiff. Either that, or I get really p*ssed off. In this case, I was delivering a eulogy in front of several hundred people that I didn’t know, was struck by how my dead friend would have reacted to me in this situation and just lost it. *sigh* That impressed the hell out of ‘em.

27 - Had a food fight. A couple in the school cafeteria growing up, and every year, a friend’s family had a huge tomato fight in their garden with all of the extra, rotten tomatoes. It was tons of fun.

28 - Bet on a winning horse. Half credit here, ‘cause it was not an official race, and I was riding the winning horse.

29 - Asked out a stranger. Yeah, and for all my blather about equality, I’m glad I’m not a boy. It was terrifying.

30 - Had a snowball fight. Please, I grew up in the snow belt. What the hell else are we going to do for 8 months out of the year?

31 - Screamed as loudly as you possibly could. One Halloween, for reasons that currently escape me, we had a contest. I think I popped my own eardrums.

32 - Held a lamb. I grew up rural. I’ve held all sorts of baby farm animals.

33 - Seen a total eclipse. In primary school, I can remember the teachers all herding us out into the driveway. They’d made puddles in the parking lot, and we watched it in the puddles and they yelled at anyone who looked up at the sun.

34 - Ridden a roller coaster. I LOVE roller coasters! We used to go to Cedar Point and Geauga Lake every summer.

35 - Hit a home run. Not very athletic. I’ve BEEN hit by home runs. It hurt.

36 - Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking. Too self-conscious for that sort of thing.

37 - Adopted an accent for an entire day. It was a dare from an Australian friend. Way harder than you’d think.

38 - Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment. I was drunk, but who cares. It was a great 60 or so seconds.

39 - Had two hard drives for your computer. Is that bad? Cut me some slack, I’m an engineer – I’ve installed more than that in my computer.

40 - Visited all 50 states. Not yet. I’m working on it.

41 - Taken care of someone who was wasted. Routinely. We take turns.

42 - Had amazing friends. All friends are amazing. Anyone who can put up with me for any length of time is astonishing.

43 - Danced with a stranger in a foreign country. In Canada. In a casino. I was wearing a fabulous dress too. Sometimes off the wall bachlorette parties are really cool!

44 - Watched wild whales. I’m going to say half credit here, ‘cause while visiting my aunt in Seattle, I spent several minutes starting at glimmery things that she still swears were orcas. All I saw were waves, but it coulda been whales.

45 - Stolen a sign. Many of them, of all sorts. I’m currently eye-balling a sign for a retirement home that’s an old people crossing sign. One of the people is hunched over with a cane, and the other one is either helping them along, or about to push them over. Either way, it’s really funny.

46 - Backpacked in Europe. See #5

47 - Taken a road trip. Too many to count. The biggest ones were to and from my little adventure in California. (That’s when I got so lost in Texas. Or New Mexico.)

48 - Gone rock climbing. See #3. I’ve clambered around on all sorts of rocks, but never with any more gear than a rope and a prayer. Oh, and once, a stick. I really thought I was going to die that time.

49 - Midnight walk on the beach. As previously mentioned, I’m nocturnal. And I spent several months living in Southern California. I’ve actually walked along beaches on both sides of the country at midnight. I enjoy it, and I really miss having an ocean next door (stupid land-locked states).

50 - Gone skydiving. Not yet. It’s on the list, right next to hang-gliding, of things to do before I die. Hopefully I’ll live to check it off and move on.

Huh, Weird.

Alright, well, over here in real life, the end of our fiscal year is approaching and I'm freaking out trying to cram all the crap in that I've neglected for the past several months. Eek!

More fun, I'm working on that freaking HUGE list of things that I've done. I don't remember now who I stole it from. Could be Stu, Suldog, or a couple of others. It's REALLY long though, and taking me longer than I thought. I think I'm going to have to break it into several posts - it's too long even for one of my epic novels.

Here's where the weird part comes in. My profile view thingie jumped from 74 to 97 over the weekend. It was 74 for months, after a jump from 53. Before that, it was 32. Are these the most random number ever or what?? How in the bejeezus do they figure this stuff?

More weirdness, from my truly crappy weekend: why would someone who is smart, drop dead gorgeous, sweet (and, incidentally, one of my best friends) return to the loser asshole who introduced her to the wonders of physical and emotional abuse? She called me this weekend to ask me to call the police department in her town and tell them that I had either lied or was mistaken in the Aft of David that I submitted to them via a lawyer's office over a year ago. This was after she had fled the state, and her soon-to-be-ex husband, after he walked through a restraining order and hurt her again. She arrived at the airport black and blue and barely able to walk. I refused to do any such thing, which lead to a lovely little screaming match. After she hung up on me, I called her parents and demanded to know what the f*ck was going on. This was the first that her father had heard that she had taken the scumball back. Shortly thereafter, she called back to call me an interfering bitch for ratting her out to her folks. To which I replied that she was 35 years old and it should be a clue that she was sneaking around behind her family's back at this point in her life. How can she be so stupid??

Gah. I'm going to go soak my head. Maybe this will make more sense then.

Well, Now What The Hell Do I Do?

So, I'm back in the office. Yay. I went home for Labor Day, and while I was there, I interviewed for a job.

I'm a bit leery - the HR person told a completely different story that the quality manager which differed from the story told by the operations manager. I had to wait for almost 45 minutes for them since a meeting was running over. They still haven't defined the job, or gotten approval for the req. It will be a minimum of 3 weeks before I hear anything, either way. Their systems are in even worse shape that the ones I deal with now and I'm not sure about the culture of the company. In addition, I've learned that when you work for this company, you essentially sell your soul to the company store - they own you. If I am offered this job, and take it, I will be taking the job almost solely to get back home. Then I learned that they have the option of moving you every two years - and they usually do. So, if I take the job to get home (assuming one is offered), I could be in a worse place in two years when/if they ship me even further away than I am now. And, given Ohio's economy, I can't really count on finding something else to replace the job and stay in the area. This requires deliberation. Part of it is that I'm really good at talking myself out of things. I don't like change, I prefer my own comfy little rut, thank you very much. Even for things that are good for me, I am more than capable of dissuading myself from nearly anything that requires a change in the status quo. So am I really that worried about this new opportunity or am I just being my typical cowardly self?

And, lately I've had to face something fairly unpleasant for me to deal with: that my life has, without my knowledge or approval, shifted from there to here. It seems obvious that it would, now that I'm trying to be clear-headed about it - I mean, I'm here so of course my life would be. But... it wasn't supposed to happen like this. My life was there - my friends, my family, nearly all that was most important to me. I had nothing here to hold me, and I've spent the last three years essentially counting the days until I could go home.

Recently though, I've come to the realization that things have changed. I've essentially lost contact with the circle of college friends that meant so much to me when I lived there. I was in their weddings, threw their baby showers, helped them move - all the things you do with people who are friends, that you think will always be friends. We've been reduced to me emailing them to say I'll be in town, and an emailed response that they'll be on vacation and will hopefully catch me next time. The part that really makes me sad is that I'm not particularly upset by this. When I do visit them, it feels more like I'm there 'cause I think I should be instead of because I want to spend time with them. I do still have friends there, very close ones, and some family - but my brother moved three hours closer to here (so it only takes me five or so hours to get to his house, and eight or nine to get home). My best friend's parents just sold their homestead and moved to Nashville to be near their grandchildren. Everything that felt so important just seems to be sifting through my fingers like sand.

At the same time, I've begun to realize how important the people here have become to me. I have a circle of friends here now. The last several weekends in a row have been booked solid - and my calendar is filling up for the rest of the month. We started out having lunch together in the cafeteria. Then we'd catch the occasional beer after work. Now, I know their families, I've been to their homes, we have a shared history. We even catch crap from others at work 'cause we're "clique-y." When the hell did that happen?!? I realized all of this just recently when I was offered a job in this area. One of the reasons that I turned it down (aside from deciding that they were minions of evil, and I'd be consigning myself to purgatory to work there) was that I wasn't ready to leave here. Not because of the job itself - that is also hellish - but because of the people.

Adding to my confusion is that I'm actually *gasp* contemplating dipping my toes back into the dating pool - for the first time in nearly 11 years. I'm still about half convinced that I'd rather just be the crazy old lady with a million cats. What am I thinking?!? My ex called last week, and we talked for an hour or so - for the first time since January - and here's the weird thing: I felt nothing. We were together for ten years. At one point, I thought he would be The One. And all I felt was a mild pity for his situation.

I don't, as a general rule, view my workplace as a happy hunting ground the way so many of my coworkers seem to, but there is a guy here. Something may be developing. I haven't felt this rush of possibilities in a long time. You know that sensation, the uncertainty - it's kinda like growing some exotic plant from a seed. The seed has germinated - there's that cute little baby sprout. Now, do I nuture it along or decide that's not the variety I was after and let it wither? *sigh*

So, what the hell do I do now? Stay here at this company? In this role or try for another one that interests me? Stay in this area but move to a different company? Nuture the seed? Or continue to try to get home and pick up my life there where I left it? Can I? Do I want to? Gah.

Technology Rocks. Sometimes.

Thank you, Rurality! You were right about how to move the blogroller over to the side. I even figured out how to add and edit stuff on the Blogroll. It wasn't nearly as hard as I was anticipating.

Now I just need to learn enough html to fool with the font until I'm happy with it. (Isn't it sad that the only html I know is from neopets??)

I'm feeling technologically gifted today. Yay!

My Aura and Other Stolen Things

From Danger Mouse and Stu, five weird things about myself:

1) My hearing is so acute that I can hear lasers. I can walk into your house and tell you whether or not your TV is on, and the daily hum of the fluorescent lights nearly drives me insane. I carry earplugs with me everywhere I go.

2) Like Danger Mouse, I am totally compulsive about peeling things, any things I can get my fingernails into. From one little flip of wallpaper, I can denude the wall in a couple of hours, without really being conscious of what I'm doing.

3) I am a very picky eater, although I am not allergic to anything foodwise. I do not eat things that live in water, fungus, organs, baby animals or any other animal I've ever considered a friend. I am not, however, a vegetatarian. I consider cows to be dinner and a coat on the hoof.

4) I have a magnetic personality. No, really. I cannot keep credit cards anywhere near me or they are rendered useless. I replace watch batteries several times a year, and I nearly always set off airport security. The wand beeps at all of my joints and about half way up my shins. Electronic devices do not like me and I have more computer malfunctions that anyone else I know - I have my own file of odd computer errors in our IT department, and they use me to beta test everything new.

5) I have no sense of direction. None. I got lost here in the building where I've worked for three years just last week. I went down a different staircase, and nothing looked familiar and for an instant, I had no idea where to go. My family says that I subscribe to the daylight school of navigation - east in the morning, west in the evening and at noon I circle helplessly.

This is fun. I think I'll do more than five.

6) I have a hard time with right and left. Before telling people which way to turn, I make 'L's with my index fingers and thumbs. Occasionally, I can't remember which way the L is supposed to go. I used to wear a ring on my left hand to remind me which one was the left one.

7) I am like a cat with closed doors - I'm always on the wrong side of them. I always sit with my back to a wall in restaurants, and I always know where all the exits are. Any building that I spend any time in at all, I will explore in detail at some point during my time there, usually in the middle of the night when I don't have to try to explain myself. (This makes my getting lost in the building even more embarrassing.)

8) I do not like people walking behind me, and I prefer not to be touched casually. Touchy feely people creep me out. My friends torture me by chasing me around and trying to hug me. I rarely wear my hair down in public because everytime I do, someone attempts to pat my hair as though I were a poodle. It's all I can do not to bite them.

9) I tend to think in cartoons, and most of the people in my world remind me of either a cartoon or a muppet.

10) I don't like odd numbers. They just seem incomplete. Whenever possible, I prefer the number two.

~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~
My aura is apparently green. Bummer. I was hoping for blue - that's my favorite color. Thanks, Sharfa, for the idea. :-)

So what's yours?

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it! The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What Color Is Your Aura?

I'm afraid that I don't really agree with this. Okay, well. I don't agree with the purpose. My purpose really is getting people to stay the hell outta my way more than them being better. I guess I am fairly driven (if that's the same as really, really stubborn). I'm competitive in that I prefer to win, but I will force myself to be a good sport about it either way. Hmm. I do have to battle back slight jealousies, or more appropriately, mild insecurities so I guess that one holds too. Sorta.

We Need You...

I will restrain myself from a full-bore rant on the state of our union today, but I will say this: I firmly believe that organizations like this one may be our only hope to remain a democratic society. Please visit
DefCon today and look around.

Okay, can't help it. Maybe a little rant...

Here's a news flash for you. The government can't protect you. Thomas Edison said, "Those who prefer security to liberty deserve neither." There is a cost to being free, and it is not rolling over when the government tells you to give up liberties to gain security. You haven't gained security, you've only lost liberty.

The cost, as far as I'm concerned, to liberty is liberty: living in a society where it is possible for another 9/11 to happen. Keeping track of the library books that you read, the places you go, the people you talk to and what you say, the things that you buy and what you do with them will not save us from this happening again. Be vigilant, be aware, don't be apathetic, take control of your life - not just in the day to day moments but also of the big pictures as well. We as a country are eroding. Last year, at the Press Awards Dinner, Bush joked about finding WMD. They showed him looking under podiums and such, saying "nope, not here," while the press laughed along with him - as our sons and daughters died. That didn't really even make the news, but some blonde slut saying she's not going to get laid for a year did. Is anyone else sensing a problem here? All I'm asking is please, for the love of the god you believe in, GET INVOLVED. Pay attention.

Maybe I'm wrong, and the majority of the country really is that small-minded and fundamentalist. Maybe Ben Franklin was right when he said that common sense wasn't. Maybe people getting involved will only mean that stem cell research stops, and women lose their reproductive rights, and we stop teaching science to our children and we build discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation into the Constitution. Maybe we as a nation aren't the people that I think we are. But I'd be easier with that than the current situation, where a few scary nutjobs are holding all the cards, so PLEASE just get involved.

Do it for the kittens, if nothing else.

Transitions.

Happy, or at least comical transition: the kitten has grown enough that if she tries REALLY hard, she can vault onto the hutch once in every 10 tries or so. This is pretty good, since the surface is about waist high. This is bad in that my poor Sophia has one fewer place to hide.

Sad, but expected transition: my parents had to put Lady down on Friday. It's actually past time. Ideally, we would have done it when I was home in April, but Dad just wasn't ready to let go. She's happier now. I hope that until we meet again, she has someone to throw sticks for her, and shovels full of snow. And, since I'm not the one washing her, I hope there's a lakeshore, with lots of dead rotting fish to roll in. That's her favorite smell in the world. And basketballs to pop, and UPS men to chase. I love you, puppy.

From the Archives...

I'm saving things I've written about elsewhere, since I'm not sure how long that forum will continue to exist.

From Wednesday, June 22, 2005: "Glued to You, Too"
I co-opted in college at a fiberglass company. One fine day I was running some tests on a couple of different adhesives (they smelled SO good) that we had gotten in. One required heat and pressure to set. The other was pretty much industrial superglue. My luck, they had mislabeled which was which. So I THOUGHT I had all kinds of time and I had this glue all over my hand and I put my hand down on the work bench and... stuck. So I tugged and pulled... still stuck. The work bench was this huge steel thing that I couldn't move at all and I threw myself backwards as hard as I could but... still stuck. So I started trying to reach the acetone that would dissolve the glue, but it was on another bench. And I stretched and pulled and threw myself in THAT direction. No dice, but that didn't stop me from exhausting myself trying to reach it.

Just about then, one of the VP's of the company comes into the lab, so I tried to assume a fairly comfortable position - one that didn't scream that I'd glued myself to a table. He walked over to me and told me that he had some paperwork that I had asked for. Not willing to admit that I'd glued myself down, I tried for nonchalance and told him that I'd be along shortly. At this point, he was starting to smirk, and he said that he had meetings and now was really better. So, I said that I'd be right along and he should go ahead. At which point he burst into laughter and said 'you've glued yourself to the table, haven't you?' while I was trying to figure out how to plausibly deny this, he holds the acetone bottle just out of reach and starts singsonging 'trying to reach this?' *sigh* That was not my best day.

From Friday, June 24, 2005: "Some Mornings Suck More Than Others"
I had to come in an hour earlier than normal this morning for a meeting. Ergle. And I just now realized that I only applied deodorant on one side this morning.

Also this morning, I tripped over the cat and sent my BlackBerry into a sink full of water. I have to say that these blackberries are much more durable that you'd think, 'cause it's still working.

But I have several new lovely bruises where I crashed into the wall tripping over the cat and then the sink trying to grab the slippery little BlackBerry.

Then I put the coffee pot into the fridge and noticed only because the milk jug wouldn't fit under the coffee filter basket. Left my car keys in the house and couldn't figure out why my house key wouldn't open the car door. AND then got stuck on the car door 'cause the strap of my bag got caught on the corner of the door. *sigh*

From Tuesday, June 28, 2005: "Historical Car Moment"
Since I got hung up on the car door the other day, I thought I'd share another stellar car door moment from the archives.

I learned to drive in a Chevy Suburban. Man, I miss that truck! It could pass anything but a gas station. At any rate, I drove it to school one day 'cause I had a large ungainly project to transport.

I am not exactly tall, and the Suburban wasn't what you'd call low to the ground so to disembark, I had to hop/jump/rappel out. So I slung my backpack over my shoulders, opened the door, hit the lock button automatically and jumped. Somehow or another, I managed a series of events - 1 - my backpack strap got hooked over the door; 2 - I bumped the door closed on the strap and 3 - the force of the jolt when the door closed caused me to drop my keys. The result of this series of events was that the keys were on the ground and I was dangling nearly 2 feet above the ground by my backpack, which was securely closed in the locked door.

Trapped. Trapped like a rat. Trapped like a rat while my esteemed fellow students laughed like hyenas at my predicament. Trapped further when a teacher came over to figure out what they were laughing at, and nearly hurt himself laughing at me as well. *sigh* Eventually, he recovered enough to get the keys, unlock the door and free me from captivity.

Looking back, I can only thank the stars that camera phones didn't yet exist.


From Friday, July 22. 2005: "Irony on a Sunday"
I have 'moments' often enough, that if I detailed all of 'em, I'd never get anything else done but last weekend's moment just smacks of the sort of irony I enjoy, when it happens to someone else.

When I get really ticked off at the world, very little makes me feel better than the sound of breaking china. Not glass, china. So, I haunt yard sales and goodwill and pick up cheap china, just so I can hurl it into walls when I feel like it.

The walls in my apartment would NOT react well to this treatment, so I use a brick wall outside. (My neighbors thought I was nuts BEFORE I started throwing things.)

Last weekend, I was out playing in my flowers in my bare feet. I stepped on something that REALLY hurt and after I dug it out of the bottom of my foot, I realized that it was a china fragment from my last temper tantrum. The china gets the last laugh this time!

From Tuesday, August 2, 2005: "Smokin'!!"
My work keeps the building very cold - I detest air conditioning - and so we've gotten into the habit of eating outside to warm up. (I bask in the sun like a reptile to store warmth for the rest of the day.) The tables outside are stone, with stone benches. Only one table has a tilt feature on the umbrella, but it gets quite toasty on the benches in the sun.

So yesterday, I took my lunch outside, wrestled the umbrella into the right position and plopped myself down for lunch. The bench was VERY warm. Uncomfortably warm...Ooh, my biscuits are burning warm. Well, these tables are built for 4 and we usually squish 7 or 8 people at each one, so I really didn't have room to sit anywhere else at the table. So I sat on that really hot bench for an hour...and now, ladies and gentlemen, I have burnt my ass - I got a sunburn from that damn bench!

Bonus friend moment: My friend C just told me that she went home last night, pulled in her driveway, shut off the car, got out and stuffed her key in the garage door (she just moved in and hasn't installed the garage door opener yet), and then spent several minutes swearing and fighting with the key, which wasn't unlocking the door. At some point, she realized that it wasn't unlocking the door because it wasn't her door. She had pulled into the driveway 2 down from hers.

From Friday, August 5, 2005: "Hair Moment, Revisited"
*sigh* I took my hair down last night and as usual, my disobedient hair wrapped itself around everything around me. Not thinking about it, I realized I was late for a meeting, jumped up to take off and was attacked by my chair, which was attached to me by several feet of hair. The chair came at me, I jumped backwards, tripped over my computer bag and landed in a heap on the floor, with my chair on top of me, still attached. AND not only did I land on the floor under the chair, I ended up in the aisleway between my cube and the wall, just as the VP of operations walked by. *shakes head* Why me?!?

From Monday, August 22, 2005: "Need More Caffeine..."
So yesterday I took the trash out to the dumpster, walking past my neighbors - who were sitting out on their patio enjoying the day. Got to the dumpster, spied my jeep and decided that I needed to check the oil. Went past the neighbors to go in and get my car keys. Realized that I was still holding the trash bag. Passed the neighbors to throw away the trash. Then passed them again to get my car keys then again with the keys to get into the jeep. Then again to find a paper towel to clean the oil off the dipstick then again to get back to the jeep to check the oil. Then again to go inside. Then back to the jeep to retrieve the house keys from the jeep. *giggle* They kind of looked like they were watching a tennis match - back and forth, back and forth. The last few times I wandered past them, they had a distinct look of - wow, something is WRONG with her - on their faces.


From Friday, December 2, 2005: "Coffee Mornings"
Every morning has a routine - I get into work, turn the 'puter on, grab my carafe and trudle off to the coffee station. This morning, like every other, I filled the carafe and hauled it back to my desk.

Today, I attempted to multitask, which always works well before my first shot of caffeine. So I was reading emails as I was pouring and pouring and pouring 'cause I kinda forgot that arm hanging in the air with the coffee pot. I totally flooded my entire desk - most of a pot of coffee tidalwaved over and out of the mug and washed my desk and most everything on it onto the floor, which is currently squishing.

*sigh* It's going to be a LONG day. I can just tell.

From Monday, December 19, 2005: "Dude, Where's My Car?"
so saturday night i braved the mall to do some christmas shopping. they're open 'till 11, so i arrived around 8:30, parked and went in.

just on a side note, what the hell HAPPENS to people in a mall?!? they walk normally in the parking lot, i've seen 'em do it! then they get inside and suddenly they're trying to propel themselves through syrup. hello! move your ass! i'm not here for the scenery and i WILL run your ass over if you don't stay out of my way. i know people who consider a trip to the mall as entertainment. i do not understand those people. i think of it as a war, and i'm not willing to take prisoners. i have an objective, a timeframe and i like the sound people make when they hit the ground and all the air rushes out of their lungs. grr.


anywho... i really don't like this mall 'cause it confuses me. it's got several levels and they all have entrances and i always get confused about what entrance i parked near and what level i have to be on to get out - erk, it's horrid. (keep your smartass remarks about my sense of direction to yourself, please.) and really, i'm sure the sight of me racing past people to one end of the mall only to stop in befuddlement, turn around and race the other way kept the security people entertained for the evening.

so, i finally finish my shopping (or more correctly, give up, utterly unable to deal any further with the rest of humanity), locate a likely looking exit and flee the building, lugging about 400 lb of christmas crap... only to wander around the nearly empty parking lot, freaking out 'cause i can't find the jeep that i know i parked RIGHT THERE. i found and commandered a shopping cart, which made lugging the crap easier, but it was REALLY FREAKING COLD and my jeep was totally gone and i was panicing bigtime - aargh someone stole it and i don't have time to deal with this!! so i decided to get security and i made my way back to the building. by this point, the mall is closed and the doors are locked, but before i decide to erm, finesse, the door, someone waiting for a ride let me in.

now you can picture me in my old-lady-purple coat, pushing a shopping cart full of bags and muttering to myself wandering lost in an empty shopping mall, looking for security... when i realize that i passed a hallmark going in and there's no hallmark in this hallway. crap. my next plan was to find a mall directory to locate the hallmark so i can get out and wow, that's like snipe hunting in december. but eventually i truimphed - at the wrong end of the mall and on the wrong level as well. *sigh*

so i truddled with my cart to the other end of the mall and up the down escalator (as entertaining as it could have been, they'd been turned off by this point) and out the correct door where my jeep was sitting in solitary splendor right where i left it. i felt kinda bad leaving the cart there in the cold when it had been so helpful...

flash to today, when i had to go out at lunch to pick up a filing cabinent. and once again it is freakin' cold here (chicago in december, go figure) and i have NO clue where i parked. so, i was wandering up and down the rows of cars when a coworker pulls up and rolls down his window to see what exactly i'm doing out there. and i told him that i couldn't remember where i put my car, and i was kind of looking around trying to spot it and he says to me - "you really have no clue where it is, do you?" he did offer to drive me around the parking lot and help look, but it's not that big of a lot and i'd already wandered through most of it and my jeep was in the aisle i was in, just hiding behind a hummer so i was close...

so there you have it - twice in three days i have totally and completely lost my vehicle and had to wander around outside in sub-zero weather for several minutes to find it. *headdesk* why me?