Mascot Trauma

You know, my life didn't start out this way. I attended the same school from kindergarden through graduation, and our mascot was the viking. It varied from a hairy, Hagar the Horrible type to the sleek profile used by the Minnesota football team. But, all in all, a mascot to be proud of.

Then I went to college. To the University of Akron. And what exactly is our fearsome mascot, designed to strike terror into the hearts of our foe?

Yup. Zippy the Kangaroo. Not only that, but the sordid truth of the matter is that something is um, well, off with Zippy. Everyone has always referred to him as a him, but the picture above clearly shows... a pouch. Boy kangaroos don't have those, as I understand it. So, Zippy is transgender, or a hermaphrodite, or a cross dresser.

The friendly, happy Zippy is the one that I'm used to. Shortly after I graduated from UA, they gave Zippy a makeover. He's now a fierce, frowny, 'roided out, blue Zippy. Maybe just me, but I'm still not overly intimidated by him. It. Her. Whatever.

About the only sport I feel is worth watching (quit throwing beer cans at me, it's not nice) is baseball. And which team do I follow? Cleveland of course. With Chief Wahoo. Another mascot dud. (Although here I must add that I'm very change-adverse, and if those wackos with nothing better to do than bitch about non-pc mascots get their way, and Chief Wahoo goes the way of the dodo, I'm probably going to be pissed off enough to stop following the Tribe. What can I say? I hold grudges for things like that.)

It could be worse. I could follow Cincinnati. The Gapper? What's up with that?? What is that thing anyway?

And now, the teams getting national recognition right now - Ohio State and Florida State. Florida's mascot makes sense. Think of Florida, and what comes to mind? Oranges and gators (and that overly commercialized rodent, but that's neither here nor there). What's Ohio State's mascot? The buckeye.



Hello, folks. It's a nut. From a tree. That's even worse than the kangaroo. Although tailgate parties could include those tasty little candies... Maybe that's what they were thinking. Hmm.

So, what's your school/team mascot?