Last night, the cats got all alert and headed for the entry, in a way that means fuckin' GINORMOUS cockroach. The Peanut managed to injure it so it couldn't fly anymore, much, and I chased it under a plant in the living room and sprayed roughly half a can of Raid on and around it. A couple of minutes later, it was crawling around on the mantle, so I grabbed the Raid Max and let loose with that until it stopped moving.
About twenty minutes later, Peanut was in the dining room staring alertly up at the wall, in a way that usually means ANOTHER fuckin' GINORMOUS cockroach. So I grabbed the Raid, circled around into the kitchen, turned on the lights in the dining room and cautiously made my approach. And something HUGE went flying across the room. It was the largest fly I have ever seen in my life - easily more than two inches long. So I had the Raid in one hand, and the flyswatter in the other and it's buzzing around the ceiling but dipping lower every now and then, causing me to shriek, spray poison in its general direction, and wave the flyswatter vigorously - all while ducking. Keep in mind that my ceilings are approximately 12 feet high - I was in no way even close to swatting it. Eventually, it flew behind the bookcase in the dining room, and I sprayed approximately half a can of Raid behind the bookcase. All was quiet... for about 10 minutes, and then this odd humming noise started. The fly was unaffected by the poison, but had gotten tangled up in a stray tumbleweed of cat fur and was trying to escape. I ran for another poison - Ortho home defense - and hosed the bookcase down again. It finally died... I think.
Tonight, I was driving home from the studio with the window down 'cause it is beautiful out there and something whirred its way into the window, bumping into my arm and ear on the way by... and then there was a thunk in the back of the jeep and a low chirping noise. OMG. I nearly bailed out of the moving car. I pulled into a convienent parking lot (which just happened to be in the projects, but who cares, there was SOMETHING in my jeep!), threw it into park and jumped out. Then I leaned cautiously back inside to grab my maglight, which I shined into the back into as I attempted to figure out what had landed in my vehicle. Cursing my tinted windows, I jerked open the door, jumped backwards and waited. Nothing. And it was quiet. I grabbed the old quilt, jerked it out of the jeep and shook it - nothing. Needing weaponry, I snatched up the large IKEA umbrella, and poked at some things in the cargo area. Nothing. So I opened the back hatch and shined the light around again... and there, next to the Sam's Club freezer bag was this HUGE thing. It was a locust, black with dusty grey markings, and about 5 inches long. OMFG. I eventually managed to remove it from my jeep using the umbrella, flipping it into the parking lot amid much squeaking and cursing (from me) and chirping (from it). Then I tossed everything back into the jeep, and took off, with all of my windows as tightly closed as possible.
*shudder* I used to live and let live. No more. Bugs, all of them, must die. And I really hope that I'm done with the adventures in arthropod-land for a while.